These last two months have handed me loss, and there is no
denying the funk I feel getting back up to where I was before
some crap head lit his bed on fire up one floor above me
while fire sprinklers ruined everything I had become
comfortable with in my life.
Sure, the loss has been all dressed up nice with new
carpeting, new painted walls and, hey?, even a new outlook on
life. I have enjoyed the depraved desperation of the doomed,
which has led me to my surrender, and I've had no other
choice but to move over to the winning side.
Out of my home for nearly a month and, laying on a
mattress in a bare bulb room, counting the
commercials on the televisions, on in the two rooms
on either side of me and late into sleepless nights,
those nights which the Hare Krishna weren't chanting
on Pacific Ave at street level underneath my window,
I was able to ponder my fish tank turning a mossy
green, knowing that my belongings and valuables
were slowly becoming water logged in boxes packed
away for "safe keeping". Some of the boxes I
unpacked looked like someone had decided to
package up mold.
Moving back in, I've decided that the rest of the
year is completely a loss. Just mark this year off as
yet another failure, the magnitude of death, job loss
and the rest of the "stressors" one is to watch out
for in life.
****, man, this year I've had deaths and more
deaths, job loss, fire in my home, loss of home,
relocation - - twice, and then the fish tank turning a
mossy green while I watched and helpless to do
anything to prevent it.
The fish tank was the first problem to be addressed;
even before I moved in I knew that the little
swimmers would need careful attention.
Into the picture comes Painless, my loving friend and
Dentist.
"I hope you don't mind, Padre, but I bought you a
new fish tank."
It's lovely.
From the street, late at night, it can be seen glowing
with pretty green plants and a trick new bubbler and
water filtration system which may be seen through
crystal clear water.
Lovely... really there is nothing else I can say about
it. And the swimmers have a nifty new home, which
they seem to enjoy.
Tomorrow evening I have a lady friend coming in to
spend a few days. R and I have become
reacquainted over the last three years ending an
eight year cold war in which time she ruined her life -
- I did about the same living with C*. Mostly I ruined
C*'s life by being her friend. What a big Renegade
Priest had any business doing hanging with a cute
little hippy biker chick I cannot begin to understand
and may never be able to repair.
This year has been a wash-out. Almost literally. I'm
so grateful for it.
There are many things I consider myself lucky for...
good friends -- find some of them listed over yonder
on the left -- would lead that parade.
Tonight I've lit incense and I'm listening to:
"The World is ****", by The Dead Milkmen.
I'll smoke a few cigarettes, maybe more - - maybe
less -- and relax and enjoy what's become of my life.
This is the only life I'll have for a long, long, long
time.
Thanks for joining me, friend.
Woody Guthrie is croaking out:
"This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land..."
on the radio. The rain is wa****ng over downtown.
Seems fitting to end here.
Okay,
Father Luke
w w w F a t h e r L u k e . c o m
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